Drink Ye a Tankard of Ale!

This is Rogue American Amber Ale. It is brewed at the Rogue Brewery in Newport, Oregon, which is now on my list of places I have to go before I die.



This is what the Rogue Website says about the American Amber:

Tawny amber in color with a coffee aroma and tight head. A delicate roasted malt accent, generous use of hops and a smooth finish. American Amber, originally known as Ashland Amber (created at Rogues original brewpub in Ashland, Oregon which was destroyed by flooding several years ago), is created from Northwest Harrington and Klages, 95-115 and 135-165 Crystal Malts. Kent Golding and Cascade Hops. American Amber is available in a 22-ounce bottle, 12-ounce 6-pack (new for 2005), and on draft.

Most of that doesn't make sense to me either, but I do have a good hold on the final result, which is wonderful.

While the Rogue family of beers are not readily available at every purveyor of delicious libations, you can find a few of their offerings at a smattering of places here and there. Along with the American Amber Ale, Rogue brews my favorite domestic beer of all time, Rogue Hazlenut Brown Nectar, which proves very elusive to find in my general vicinity.

There are a vast array of Rogue beers, many of which I have had, and I have never had a bad one. My cousin, on the other hand, refuses to drink this beer because, and I quote, "Amber beers give [him] night terrors."

You can check out the entire family of Rogue beers here: MMmmmmmm.....Beer

Since I Have a Soapbox...

Let me not be misrepresented. I am a proud citizen of the Commonwealth of Kentucky. I hold our countryside to be as beautiful as any in this great Union of ours; our people to be some of the most hospitable and kind. We are the home to world class thoroughbreds, Jim Beam, Makers Mark, Louisville Slugger, the Corvette, and Cassius Clay. Our world as a whole would be a much darker place without these things. However, we are also one of the few remaining places in this country that holds on to an outdated and Puritanical idea that just WILL NOT DIE...the dry county.

Check out this map:

For a larger version, click HERE.

Everywhere you see the darkest blue color, you are seeing a dry county. The next to darkest blue is a "moist" county. Notice anything strange? How about that nearly the entire state of Kentucky is dry. Do you see that anywhere else? Texas has a lot of "moist" counties...but you can still have a (restricted) drink in those.

Here is my problem: the dry county is a remnant of a bygone era. It hearkens back to a time when Kentucky was the buckle of the Bible Belt and hell-fire and brimstone preaching was the order of the day. Somehow we have remained in a time-warp when it comes to this issue.

At 18 years old a young man can be shipped off to train to go overseas and fight for our freedom, but let him come home to Kentucky and try to have a drink. No dice. Even if the soldier is 21 there is still a good chance he can't go downtown and have a beer. It's like we're saying, "You're good enough to sacrifice your life to keep us free, but you're not free enough to have a drink...that would be wrong."

I would love to sit down with somebody in the know and have them explain to me the problem. I just want to hear them out and weigh their argument against common sense. Chances are there wouldn't be a satisfactory answer they could give as to why GAM aren't ALLOWED in a FREE COUNTRY to buy alcohol in their town. It's asinine.

Part of the problem is the older generation who was brought up to believe that drinking was the devil and alcohol was the tool of Satan used to swiftboat men to Hell. Those people are the ones that kick their feet and scream to high Heaven when any progressive legislation finds its way onto a local ballot. Those are the old farts that time and again rally together and vote down Demon Alcohol. Luckily, those people can't live forever.

Freedom ain't free. A lot of good men have given their lives to make sure Americans are able to live their lives just exactly the way they want. That's what America is about. It's WELL past time that we start treating Americans like adults able to make their own decisions and not like children who can't think for themselves.

Not everyone will choose to drink. Fine. That is your RIGHT as an American. Give me the same right to make my own choices, regardless of what county I happen to live in.

For more information on dry counties, check out this link: Dry County Foolishness

Well Done Sir. Well Done.

This is an old picture. Many of you have probably already seen it. It is a fine example of how a determined man, armed only with a piece of scrap posterboard and a magic marker can carve out a place for himself in the Pantheon of Iconic Images (PII).



The best part of this picture is that I was there. That's right. This was taken right in front of the Augusta National Golf Club in 2003, and I walked right past that guy. At the time it was the most brilliant thumb-in-the-eye I'd ever seen. I'd be hard pressed to find one I like better now.

On a side note, I also met Martha Burke. She was about 4'5" and as she passed I could have easily pushed her down a flight of stairs; an action I'm CONVINCED would have given me cult celebrity status in Augusta. She stomped around my workplace, barked out orders, and generally paraded herself around as a grade-A turd-in-a-box. I probably would have been off probation by now...

Anyway, being in Augusta at that point was really something. All those people drove into town, most of the women pissed off and fit to be tied, most of the men drunk and laughing at the women. The thing that I don't think Martha Burke realized when she opened that can of worms was that those old men in that old club didn't give two duck farts about the image they were sending to the world at large.

Those guys combined have more cash than the GNP of most developing nations AND they're old. There is no tougher nut to crack than a rich old man. They've lived their lives, they have means, and they don't like anyone or anything besides sitting in a smokey room playing cards and talking down to the help. That's why I love every one of them.

All of this rambling to say this: I was there. I saw this event unfold. I laughed then, I'm laughing now, and I will continue to laugh until I'm an old, crabby, cranky, (hopefully) filthy stinking rich old curmudgeon.

Comedy Gold.

From the "WTF Files"

This is 15 year old Miley Cyrus.



Let me re-iterate one more time that the photo above is of 15 Year Old Miley Cyrus, daughter of former mullet casualty Billy Ray Cyrus, best known for his daughter, 15 year old Miley Cyrus.

I keep reinforcing her age for good reason. Evidently the good people that bring you LifeStyles brand condoms have approached young Ms. Cyrus with a briefcase containing $1,000,000(US) and an offer to be a pitch-girl for their contraceptives.

I can see it now. Giant billboards with this minor on them, holding a cucumber with a glittery rubber on it, huge crooked smile on her face. Caption: "Condoms are Super-Neato!" Or "Let's Play Grown-Up!"

Generally I'm not a tight-wad about taboo subjects. I rather like to push the envelope of what people are comfortable talking about (if not always in this blog). However, even I have to draw the line at sexing up minors. I realize that's the way society is trending, but if society was trending towards taking out an adjustable rate mortgage for more than you can afford would you...well, maybe a bad example.

The point is that 15 year old little girls are not supposed to try and sell me jimmy-hats. I don't want to buy prophylactic from a "Tween Superstar". I will not argue with the people who say, "Well, I was doing it at that age!" Or, "It's not like she doesn't know how to use them!" These are probably fair and true statements. But shouldn't we hold off the public objectification of women until they're in college? Because really, isn't that what those 6 years are for?

So, either this is one of those internet hoaxes that some uber-geek is in his attic bedroom laughing about, or we are officially on our way to purchasing a handbasket to travel in. I am inclined to think the latter. But if it is true, KUDOS to you guys running LifeStyles brand condoms; you really know how to make yourselves look like a bunch of perverts.

Here's a link to the original story: Thank Heaven, for little...nevermind

Props

Big thanks to Josh Keown at 9one and Area502 for adding me as a link on his blogs. I've done the same (bottom right of this page). Check them out...definitely worth a read.

Trouble Brewing

This is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. This is maybe the only person on this planet (besides Kimbo Slice) that scares the absolute sh*t out of me.

Let me explain. This guy is a hard-line Islamic leader. Not only that, he is a hard-line Islamic leader who HATES us. Not only does he HATE us, he HATES us and has nuclear weapons. Now maybe he can't get to us directly, but he can get to Israel. He's on record as saying that the State of Israel "should vanish from the pages of time." He said the holocaust was a myth. He said there are no gays in his country (probably because they are routinely killed). That is some crazy rhetoric for the 21st century.

If he was to go after Israel, we would be pulled into the conflict as we have made it no secret that we'll enter the altercation on the side of Israel. If they shoot their nukes we'll probably shoot our nukes and then there we are...nuclear war. NUCLEAR WAR. I think we talk about the concept of nuclear war without ever really trying to quantify what that would actually mean.

It's bad. Really really bad. I'm not a scientist. But I've seen the footage from the 40's of a decimated Hiroshima. Those people are still paying for that attack. I've seen camera crews at Chernobyl pull out their radiation meters and have them still spike. That is horrifying. Both of those events would be nothing compared to what would probably be let loose in the event of nuclear war.

Iran has turned into that little guy in the classroom who is sick and tired of the big kids telling him what to do. All you have to do is log on to CNN or FoxNews to see what this guy is up to. He's recruiting. He's getting support from other nations. He's solidifying his backing. Pretty soon he's going to have enough confidence to do pretty much anything.

Am I suggesting we can't handle the situation? No. I think we could eventually handle the situation. But what would the price be? I think it's too early to try and calculate, but suffice it to say that we have probably never seen its like.

I'm not a big follower of politics, and especially not geo-politics, but even I have had to start paying attention. The world is unstable right now and you can almost feel that something is brewing. It just feels strange these days. I don't know a better way to describe it.

I didn't intend to be a buzz-kill this morning, but THIS ARTICLE got in my head. And what is this blog for if not being my receptacle for brain overflow.

Get Some Nuts

So, I don't want this blog to be totally dependent on videos and whatnot, but sometimes it cannot be helped. Such is the case with this video, produced to hawk satisfying candy bars. Personally I think it's pretty funny.



Let it be known that I do not endorse the pelting of any person with nutty candy bars, however seeing Mr. T do it makes my soul smile.

Japanese Sense of Humor

This is a pretty old video, but I think it's worth posting. Just a little background - the point of the game is for contestants to recite the words in the yellow box as fast as possible without making a mistake. If they do happen to slip up, well...



I fully expect this kind of "entertainment" to filter over to the states pretty soon..."I Survived a Japanese Gameshow" is just the beginning.

Feeling My Pain...

These guys get it.

What We Call the News | Funny Jokes at JibJab

You can check out the rest of there originals here: JibJab.com

HateSpew 7/27

There is a concept that makes my blood vaporize. It's something we were all taught as kids, yet it doesn't translate into the real world. There's nothing like it in the animal kingdom. There's nothing like it anywhere in the natural world as far as I'm aware. And yet some people cling to it as if it were an immutable truth, never changing and solid as stone. It's the concept of "fair".

Anybody who knows me personally has already heard my diatribes on this subject. It's something that I fail to process, thus causing a "blue screen of death" in my brain stem. Every time I hear the word used to denote the equality or inequality of a situation I want to systematically dismember everything in my field of vision. I want to pull the walls down around me.

You may be asking yourself, "Self, why does the concept of fairness turn him into an erupting volcano? Shouldn't we all as civilized people strive to be fair to our fellow man?" Well, I wish I had an answer. The truth is I don't know.

All I can tell you for certain is that nothing is fair. Everything is survival of the fittest. If you can't hack it, there's someone out there that can...someone who doesn't rely on "fairness" to get it done.

We're not promised anything in this world. All we can do is the best we can do. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it's not. In life not everyone gets a trophy for trying their best. You're not always going to get to play. I think a big part of life is having to learn to deal with disappointment.

I'm really afraid of the generation we're raising. I see kids every day that have this sense of entitlement. A sense that they DESERVE something, and if they don't get it, it's not fair.

One day they'll get their cage rattled and realize that life is what you make it. It can be a beautiful life, filled with all the things you want. It can be a constant adventure, a continual classroom. It gives you back what you put in. But one thing that it isn't, will never be, and most certainly was never intended to be, is FAIR.

Fair is for suckers.

Didn't See It Coming?

Simon & Schuster, Inc. is a well respected and profitable publishing house whose stable of clients include the likes of Stephen King, Dan Brown, and Jeffery Deaver. However they currently find themselves in litigation with two individuals over money they were advanced, yet never produced their agreed autobiographies.

This probably wouldn't have hit me as hilarious except that the two people who were advanced the money were rappers "Foxy Brown" and "Lil' Kim". Adding to the hilarity is the fact that both of these ladies have been incarcerated; Brown for "violating probation arising from a fight with two manicurists" and Kim for "lying about a shooting". I guess it's hard to get your thoughts collected and down on paper with all that racket going on in the pokey.

WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?? It seems perfectly legitimate to give these two upstanding and presumably literate citizens advances of $75K and $40K to produce the stories of their lives. Who wouldn't want to read that book? I can hear the conversation in the S & S boardroom now:

Suit #1: Sales are down boys. We need a new cash cow to really punch up our bottom line for the year. Our projections are looking grim. Ideas?

Suit #2: Well...there is this one little project I've been working on. See, I was thinking that if we took about $115,000 and just lit it on fire, danced around it until the fire goes out, then peed on it, a money tree would sprout like a phoenix from the ashes and we'd have all the money we need!

Suit #3: You know, for the same money we COULD get some has-been, "hard core", feuding lady rappers to write the story of their lives. They could tell us about their hard-scrabble upbringing and their fight to get to the top of the male-dominated rap game. It could be HUGE!

Suit #1: I like the clip of your jib. While the money tree sounds promising, the rapperess idea is almost a lock. Are you sure $115,000 will get it done? There could be a bidding war for an idea this sure-fire...

Suit #3: All we can do is say a little prayer. I'll get on the horn.

Honestly, who's running the show up there at S & S, Inc.? Some dude in a yurt on a Valium laced peyote trip??

Here's the link to the story on USA Today's site: Link BI-ATCH!

How Now?

Uke Love

This is why I cannot have free time. I'm kicked back, having a Beam Black on the rocks and casually poking around YouTube...just searching for whatever piques my interest at that moment.

Suddenly, for whatever reason, my love for the Ukulele decided to rear it's tiny head. And, YouTube being the cavernous cultural depot that it is, there was enough Ukulele video to quell my ravenous appetite. Of course there was; this is YouTube we're talking about. Nothing escapes its massive event horizon.

There were many videos to choose from...so many I could share with you. But this video stood out. It's hard to say why. Maybe it's because they're Brits. Maybe it's because they play in a "Ukulele Orchestra". Maybe because the oldest guy on the stage is singing this classic. Or maybe it was because the first close-up of the crowd was probably the only black guy in the whole place. I'm actually a little surprised they didn't ask him to come up and do an interpretive dance...'cause you know he can dance! Whatever it was, I was ready to throw down. You damn right I was.



A further search turned up this gem by the same "orchestra". I dedicate it to iJon. Smells Like a Link

Compelling Intel

Yesterday FoxNews reported that Dr. Edgar Mitchell knows for a fact that there is extra-terrestrial life, and that we have had close contact with them. Generally I am skeptical of purported "Doctors" saying stuff like this because there are some Universities that will through a Ph.D in your car window as you drive by. Lots of crackpots and charlatans have a Ph.D.

For those of you who don't know Dr. Edgar Mitchell's name, allow me to introduce you. He is one of 12 men to ever walk on the moon. While Universities may hand out degrees if you've got the money, NASA in the 60's and 70's was not inclined to let just anyone into space. Those guys were the best and brightest our nation had to offer.

After a little YouTube investigation, you can find testimonies from Gordon Cooper and Buzz Aldrin confirming that they too had witnessed UFO's. Are these addled old men? Did the vacuum of space cause them to fall off the deep end? Hard to say.

All I'm saying is that they have no reason to lie and they are/were in the "space industry". They'd have a better shot of knowing what's going on than me. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Here's a link to the FoxNews story: LINKY LINK

Sliced

Sometimes when I look at a person it becomes shockingly clear that they were put on this earth to do one thing. What that one thing is varies from person to person, but one look at them tells you that their path in life is clear. It's not something that happens very often, but when it does it's almost like an epiphany. Like the hand of GOD reaching down and giving you a little tappity tap on the skull and you have an "Ah HA!" moment. You don't even have to ask their occupation/vocation/aspiration. You know.

This is a picture of Kimbo Slice.



He was put here on this earth to bludgeon you with his fists until you fall down and bleed; yea verily perhaps until you drown in your own blood. Then he laughs, gold teeth twinkling in the noon-day sun, until finally he is tired of laughing and he rifles through your pockets taking what is now his.

If you are unfamiliar with this gentleman I implore you to look him up on YouTube. I recommend his earlier works...they will be the ones set in parking lots and back yards (gardens if you like), and generally any other outdoor setting one might find in a pornographic movie.

I like Kimbo. I enjoy watching him as he works. Surely he is doing EXACTLY what he was put here to do. Must be nice to have your path laid out so neatly!

On Tap

This is Jim Beam Black. Drink it. Personally, I add 5 ice cubes and let it settle for a few minutes. You do whatever blows your hair back.



Check out the Jim Beam Website.

Also, read what Cigar Aficionado had to say about this little bourbon HERE.

Starving

For the past two weeks I've been exercising. Coincidentally, for the past two weeks I've also been starving. I guess it's the body acclimating to less food and will subside at a point, but it's sure taking it's sweet ass time getting there.

So, in my hunger induced stupor I've been looking for things that I can eat that won't wreck my attempts to eat healthy and eat less.

Shakes are the next order of business. Fruit, yogurt, milk, protein powder, etc. in the blender. Pretty straightforward, but we'll see how it goes. I anticipate a problem with lack of sweetness. I'd use Splenda if I wasn't worried that somewhere down the road my potency would be compromised.

Lunch is the worst. About midday I'm ready to gorge, as I am ready to do today. The guy on TV is grilling a cajun-crusted flat iron steak that I would dominate right now...mmmmmm.....steak....

Something like this would be fantastic -

HateSpew 7/22

I hate Celebrities. More specifically I hate "Reality" Celebrities. All of them. I wish the earth would crack open and remove them from existence. I wish the casts from Big Brother, The Hills, Laguna Be-atch, and The Real World would have an epic knife fight on the rim of a volcano and all of them fall into molten hot lava. Except that would be too quick. I'd like to see something slow and intricate. I'm talking old school James Bond villain intricate. Like chaining them together on top of cacti over a boiling pit of acid surrounded by crocodiles and suspended directly below a net full of poisonous vipers. That would make an interesting show...

I cannot begin to put into words the worthlessness of these people. Even more mind-boggling is the number of people who actually give two donkey testes what these people are doing. Right now, at this very moment, there's some brain-dead girl/woman with low self esteem and body issues wondering what Kim Kardashian is doing. Honestly. I have a hard time understanding.

I get that everyone has their own interests, but our "celebrity"-crazed culture is out of control. Kids are starting to think that way of life is normal...the way it's SUPPOSED to be. It's no wonder every other nation in the world thinks we're a bunch of wankers.

So, to recap, Reality Celebrities should not be allowed in our society. I don't care where they go. Canada can inherit them.

I'd call it even with Canada if they'd do me this solid. C'mon guys. Like, what's the worst that can happen or whatever? *twitch*

Face

So here is 6'3" point guard Dirk Minniefield who played for UK in the '80's. I expect to be seeing some athletes like this at UK in the very near future.

Bigfoot!!

This weekend I re-acquainted myself with the Sierra Nevada Bigfoot. It is technically a barley-wine, but for our purposes I'll call it beer. I shared my Bigfoot with two friends, one who said it tasted like "a disco in [his] mouth" and one who took an hour to get it down...only by sheer force of will, I might add.

I like it. It's VERY hoppy. EXTREMELY floral. It's nearly 10% alcohol per 12 ounce bottle. But it's beautiful. Once you acclimate yourself to the initial shock it becomes very nice indeed. Don't try to drink too many though...3 should do just about anyone.

Drink it. Actually any of the Sierra Nevada beers are good, but the Bigfoot holds a special place in my heart!

The Dark Knight

So I went to see the hottest movie of the summer. I went to the Sunday morning (11:30am) showing and still ended up standing in line in the ridiculous 90+ degree weather. I had to keep asking myself..."Is this movie REALLY worth standing in line for? I'm a Grown Ass Man (GAM) for goodness sake. I pay taxes. I have a 401K. Why am I in line to see a comic book movie??"

Well, it was good. I'm not going to say it was fantastic. I found Batman's voice to be a little ridiculous and annoying. However, Ledger did a good job. I found this performance much better than his "Ennis Del Mar" in that movie he was in where he cavorted with men. I found his "love scenes" a little to gritty and realistic to watch. However his Joker is first rate. I think it was a very well-done performance. After about 10 minutes I forgot about the face paint and forgot that it was Heath Ledger. That's when you know you've seen something good.

Overall I give it two thumbs up. It's worth seeing. I've seen where people said it changed their lives...I wouldn't go that far. It's a good way to spend 2.5 hours on a hot, lazy day.

Oldie but Goodie

The ESPY's are coming on with host Justin Timberlake. As much as I'd like to make fun of Mr. Timberlake, his resume is pretty impressive. Pre-insanity Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel...and his magnum opus -



One of the top 5 SNL skits of all time. Thank you Mr. Timberlake. Keep up the good work.

Honker's Ale

This is Goose Island Honker's Ale. Drink it. They also make an IPA. Drink it as well. If you like beer you won't be disappointed.

Really?!

Recently I applied for a new job. I've been at my current job for 3 years or so, and as much as I enjoy the people I work with (for the most part...see the post below) and the environment (for the most part...), corporate culture is pissing me off. That, and the fact that my wife and I like to eat and keep the lights turned on at the house are pushing me into the shrinking job market.

Enter our local public university. It's not corporate. The pay and benefits are MUCH better than my current situation. The job I applied for was actually a step down in title and seniority, but a bump up in salary...counter-intuitive I know, but now you see what I'm up against in my current position. Anyway, I got past the initial screeners and was called in to interview.

The interview lasted almost an hour and a half in front of a panel of four people. I felt it went well. The mood in the room was relaxed and comfortable, and so on. Anyway, I left feeling like it was in the bag.

A week goes by. Nothing. I call the guy. He says, "The woman heading up the search is out on vacation this week, but when she gets back she'll be contacting all the candidates." Fine. This is why I don't take people at their word often.

They had the person hired. Probably at that point. But instead of being a man and a competent director of his department, he took the easy way out and lied. Three days later the university website reported the position closed. Still no word from them.

After two weeks, I receive a mass email that says, "Thank you for your interest with blah blah blah blah blah. We wish you the best of luck blah blah blah blah blah."

It's not so much the fact that I didn't get the job that chaps me...though chap me it does. It's the fact that the cowards in that department didn't have the stomach to call me and tell me themselves. Pitiful.

An email. Really?! Get a sack.

This is for you

You know who you are. Ass.

Idiot Savant

This is Ronald Jenkees. Behold as he rocks your face off.



He's got a ton of videos on YouTube. You should watch them all. Or you could buy his CD here.

(I don't work for the guy. Don't know him. I just know my face is currently rocked-off.)

Approved Entertainment

These guys have the right idea on many topics. Red State Update

Introductions

Every blog needs a purpose - a reason to be. I'm afraid I don't have a real reason for this blog other than what's in the title...self-indulgence. If you like what I post, excellent. If not, no big deal. Maybe we can still be friends.

I don't know what kind of stuff I'll post. Funny stories? Maybe. Videos? Probably. Stuff that appeals to anyone but me? Hard to say. All I know is that I'm going to write.

Rest assured I will ramble on occasion - suck it up. Or don't. Whatever.

Most likely this will be a big, roiling mish-mash of who knows what. Nothing screams "FUN" like the great unknown, right? Right. Everyone knows that.

Just so you know who you're dealing with and are not caught totally unawares by what you may read or see, let me tell you a bit about me. I'll use bullet points.

• My dad calls me "Anti". Like the prefix. Not sure what that means, but it seems to fit.
• I'm a bit of a misanthrope.
• I don't suffer fools well.
• I tend to go with stereotypes until proven otherwise. Most of those have at least a kernel of truth in them or they wouldn't be funny.
• I drink beer. Lots of it. And wine too. Oh, and I like bourbon. Basically I like to drink. And smoke cigars. But not cigarettes, or marijuana cigarettes, though I think it's fine if you do. I just don't. No big deal.
• I have an addictive personality.
• My interests are varied and wide ranging and I'm constantly looking for the Truth. If you know where it is, lay it on me.
  
• I have a motorcycle license, yet no motorcycle.

I think that's probably enough to be going along with. I don't want to destroy the mystery all at once.

Hopefully some of this will be entertaining.

So here's to you, anonymous internet reader. Welcome to my little edge of cyberspace.