8.20.2008

Approved Entertainment

This is Shooter Jennings and he plays country music. I'm not talking about the tight jeans and glittery-shirt "country music" that we're being spoon fed now. This is more along the lines of roots country. More of an authentic sound. We need more artists like this before we all drown in watered down, mass marketed, too-polished crap. Country music is supposed to be a little raw.

FYI - on the album, this song is performed with the Oak Ridge Boys. Suck on that Rascal Flatts.

8.19.2008

Stolen from My Brain!



Now that there is funny....I don't care who you are.

8.18.2008

Memories...

This is a pretty accurate representation of how my first experience with this little test went...



I actually could have starred in that scene. Uncanny.

Not Impressed

This is Jamaica's Usain Bolt; as of this second the fastest man in the world and an utter disgrace.



If this picture is worth a thousand words, then the video at the end of this post is the OED. More on that in a minute.

You must respect this man's speed. He obliterated the field and set a world record in the 100m with a blistering 9.69 seconds. That's FAST. I've read where that's the equivalent of running a 3.5 40 yard dash...all that and the man is 6'5". Amazing.

So why is he a disgrace? Because he's a showboat. An arrogant product of the BLING generation who can't see past his own ego. He has no idea of what the Olympics is really about. Instead of running hard, DESTROYING the world record and perhaps being remembered for all time, this idiot disgraced his country by getting the lead, pulling up at the end just to pound his chest while coasting in to the finish. What was he trying to prove exactly? Was he trying to get everyone's attention? His speed handled that quite effectively. He would have been well-served to let his speed do the talking.

But no. He had to prove every stereotype out there about the "me first, screw you, I gotta get mine, look at me" mentality that exists in the african american culture. You really only need to turn on MTV and watch a few rap videos to get the idea of what I'm talking about. I'm not throwing out a blanket statement meant to encompass the entire community, but it's guys like this that ruin it for everyone.

Listen, I understand it's the Olympics. It's exciting. He was representing his country. Emotions were running high. I get it. But show some respect for all of those things. Make your family proud. Win with dignity. Celebration is fine, but save it until after the race.

I happened to come across this little video. I think it pretty much sums up what I'm talking about. Honestly I couldn't watch the whole thing all the way through, but maybe one of you can.



I love confident people. I think the world needs more of them. But there is confidence and there's chicken-headed arrogance. Usain Bolt has had his moment in the sun. I really hope he remembers it forever, because I intend to forget him.

PS - That gold medal he won has 2 fates....neither of which involve him keeping the thing to pass down to the generations to come. One of them is eBay.

8.15.2008

Safety First

It sure took long enough! Finally, a school system has said it is OK for their teachers to carry a concealed weapon onto school grounds. Leave it to Texas to be on the cutting edge of this concept.

I have mixed feelings. I like the idea of teachers having guns, but thinking back on all the teachers I had in high school I have a hard time coming up with one or two that I would trust with a firearm; especially in a life-threatening situation.

The article goes on to say that teachers wanting to bring their piece into the classroom will have to pass a flurry of tests and have permits and whatnot. They're also not releasing the number of teachers that will be packing heat...just to keep the bad guys guessing.

I guess this is the wave of the future. If I taught high school I'd want a smoke-wagon on my hip to discourage all those little a-holes from trying anything. Just to let them know that I'm not gonna take any lip from their non-respect-giving-selves. "You want to contest your grade? Are you sure?" "Your parents want a conference? Really??"

I give it 6 months before this headline comes out: "Texas Teacher Pistol-Whips Student for Sassy Back Talk." I should take odds on this.

To read the complete story, click here: God Bless Texas

8.14.2008

Difference of Opinion

The Wife and I were sitting down to watch some tube the other night, and I happened to flip it over to National Geographic, one of my favorite channels. They were showing a program called "Taboo" where they look at the crazy things all the crazy people from all those crazy backwards countries do to themselves, their animals, and their children.

This particular episode focused on the different ways children were treated in society. After the 5-year old breast-feeder from Australia (he was on the breast, not a breastfeeding 5-year old), and the crazy Muslim kids who cut themselves in the streets due to grief over some special person in the history of their religion, we were whisked away to magical Thailand...land of the Muay Thai kids.

It seems that Thailand deems it socially acceptable to match up children as young as 3 to battle it out in the ring whilst crazy "adults" bet on which toddler will knock out the other toddler first. Now I don't think it really does any harm...they have on boxing gloves and I seriously doubt a 3 year old is going to be able to muster enough strength to do any serious damage to another 3 year old; but my wife....oooooooooooooo....

You would have thought that they were sacrificing the children publicly. Like perhaps they were tearing them limb from limb and feeding them to wild pigs. She was ENRAGED. She even sassed the dad of 6 who turned the rear of his hovel into a training facility for the kids. He was very proud. They seemed well-adjusted. But my wife was ready to film an infomercial asking for donations to put an end to the abuse and exploitation of the fighting children in Thailand.

The whole time I only had one thought in my head. I thought quietly to myself, "Self, it's true those kids are being trained to fight...but you know, I bet they don't cry and I bet they don't whine because daddy won't give them a candy bar."

There's definitely something to be said for a kid that doesn't whine or cry. We could use WAY more of them in this country. Maybe I'll start a little-kid dojo. Straight up Cobra Kai style...

8.13.2008

More Olympic Shenanigans

You have to hand it to the Spanish...they're not very subtle. But this picture is my favorite lasting image from the Beijing games so far. Nobody reading this can say they have never given someone the ol' slant-eye; but they have probably also never taken out a full page ad in a major paper to display it either...

Whatever the case, I think it's hilarious. Is it in the best taste, maybe not. Is it a playful tongue-in-cheek jab at something that EVERYONE has chuckled about at some point in their lives, ABSOLUTELY. Cheers Spanish Basketball Team!

Gimme a Break

I've been glued to the Olympics this year for some reason. I'm not sure why, but they've been very entertaining. Anyway, my wife has been watching as well and her favorite event, as a former gymnast, is women's gymnastics.

Now, apparently in order to compete in gymnastics a person must turn 16 years old in the year of the competition. No big deal. Except for the fact that two or three of those Chinese girls are 12. MAYBE 13.

The Chinese are shrugging their shoulders and saying, "Look at passport. It say 16." Everybody else is kindof shaking their heads saying, "I doooooon't knooooooow....looks kinda fishy." The US coach from the last gold medal team came out and said that China made them fake passports. I tend to agree. China is VERY skilled at making fake goods. I'm just saying.

Check it out for yourself here: SI Pictures


And here at the official site: Look at YANG Yilin, DENG Linlin, & HE Kexin

Oh Wow...

First of all, I apologize for my prolonged absence. I was off Thursday and Friday of last week, then came the weekend where I don't generally post, followed by two consecutive days of being consumed by the Olympics. These types of interruptions will happen from time to time, but please bear with me. Now, moving on...

Please do not think I'm some sort of Warlock. I'm no wizard. I don't have a glass that sees into the future. So there is no need to be afraid, but my last post was about me thinking a sasquatch could be out there, and, well, it looks like they found a dead bigfoot. A DEAD BIGFOOT.

These two yahoos in northern Georgia were out for a stroll in the woods when they stumbled upon a DEAD BIGFOOT CARCASS. They have pictures. They're keeping it in a freezer chest. It's been examined by some folks, one of which is interviewed in the FoxNews video. He gives dimensions and it is out there. They have tissue and hair samples going out for various "scientific evaluations" but as far as I'm concerned they found a FREAKIN' DEAD BIGFOOT. I'm pretty excited. Can't wait until Friday.

Until then, there is video (top right corner) and more story text here: A FREAKIN' DEAD BIGFOOT IN A FREEZER CHEST!!

UPDATE: Surprising to nobody but me, the Bigfoot was a hoax. What a load of crap. So anyway, I'm an idiot, I know. No big deal. Better luck next time. Here's the link: HOAXED!!

8.05.2008

Found!

Reports are in that about 125,000 gorillas have been located in the Republic of Congo, nearly tripling the number of gorillas we know about on Earth.

This got me thinking. 125,000 gorillas is not a small amount of gorillas. For those of you who cannot picture a gorilla, may I present you a representation:



Here's another fun fact. The first time a Westerner laid eyes on a live gorilla was 1856. My fraternity has been around that long. Before then, gorillas were unknown outside of the small parts of Africa that they occupied. Even then there were only eyewitness accounts. In the wild gorillas aren't EASY to find or photograph, mostly people just see their nests or droppings or whatever.

So my point is this...how did 125,000 gorillas go unnoticed? Those guys can get almost 6 feet tall and can weigh up to 500lbs. 500 lbs!! That's a big monkey. It makes me wonder what else we're missing out there. If we can overlook a population of 500 lb. primates, why is it such a stretch that we can overlook another big hairy primate...like Sasquatch?

Not to sound like a nut case, but I believe they're out there. I mean, why not? If we can overlook more than a HUNDRED THOUSAND GORILLAS...

I'm not saying, I'm just saying. I like the thought that we haven't discovered everything there is to discover in this big world of ours. I think it keeps us humble.

Just a little food for thought on this lazy Tuesday.

Behold! The Future of Dining



This is from a site called The Onion. It's a site based on satire and I encourage you to check it out. Here's the link: News that May Make You Cry

8.04.2008

Record Profits

I'm a Capitalist. I think the best way to get the best deal on goods and services is competition. I want people to make money. Lots and lots of money. It's good for the economy, it's good for private individuals, it's the American way.

However, that doesn't mean I have to be happy about Exxon posting an 11.6 BILLION DOLLAR profit last quarter. That's last quarter by the way. Meaning the last 3 months unless my math is off.

Now when they report that profit, I'm assuming that's what they take home at the end of the day after everything else is taken care of. Like paying employees. Like exploration. Like research and development. Like all the other things that they whine about having to pay for. Yes, those things are expensive, however at the end of the day you're still wiping your butt with $1000 dollar bills.

In the meantime, we're paying out the rectum for gas. Think about this - the minimum wage is about $5.50 give or take. We'll say that most gas tanks are anywhere from 12 - 17 gallons...we'll just say 15 gallons. So at $4/gallon it costs $60 to fill that sucker up...or almost 11 hours of work (gross pay, not net). So in a 40 hour week more than a quarter of their gross pay goes to gas. That's working to get to work so that you can put gas in your tank to get to work. That's a steaming pile of BS.

I don't like to point out problems without solutions, but there is no solution. The only thing that would immediately help is for oil companies to cut back on their profits for the good of their fellow man. Fat F'n Chance.

I guess there is one happy thought that I can take out of this whole situation. Meet Exxon's CEO, Lee F. Raymond.



There are so many things to be said about this picture...it's probably best I leave it up to your imagination. The dude's got mad cash, and yet there he sits; yellow broken teeth and a giant chin-pillow. I bet he smells like cashmere and cheese. And I'm sure he's crying himself to sleep on his triple-king-sized bed of money. What an A-Hole.

Oh My...

I have GOT to get in on this business...



I mean really...I have a garage. I can locate a diesel vehicle. I like $1/gallon gas. Seems like a win-win-win all the way around...anybody wanna go in on it with me?

You Know These Guys...

Our good friends at FoxNews ran a story over the weekend concerning Grady "Skip" Wilburn Dollar, 64, and Mickey Joe Hill, 37, both of whom hail from the Heart of Dixie, Moulton, Alabama. However, they could be some of you guys' neighbors.

It seems our good friends "Skip" and Mickey Joe were sitting around as men are wont to do, drinking some frosty beverages. The article even points out that their "beer" of choice was Natural Light.

Well, they ran out and somebody had to go to the store. I guess Mickey Joe volunteered to go, and ol' Skip gave him a ten-spot. When Mickey Joe returned, he only had 4 Natty Lights!! Everybody knows that a tenner will bring back a half rack of that goat pee. Rightly annoyed, but apparently willing to shake it off, Skipster asked for one of the beers...and Mickey Joe REFUSED! What's more, he pushed the poor old codger. (Natty Light WILL make you crazy...see below)

At this point anything is possible. Not only was Skip cheated out of his change, that little turd wouldn't even give him one of the cold ones HIS MONEY BOUGHT. A man can only take so much. Especially under the influence of the most Natural of Light beers. So Skip did what any self-respecting, drunken, elderly Southerner would do; he went to the kitchen, retrieved a butcher knife, and stabbed Mickey Joe in what the article calls his "lower abdomen". You know as well as I do what that old man was trying to do.

The last line of the whole article is fitting I think. It reads:

"Dollar was free on $5,000 bond. Richard said records did not reflect that he had hired an attorney, and there was no telephone listing in Dollar's name."

So Mr. Dollar nearly castrated a man over $6 and a Natural Light, but can cough up 5 grand in bail? Also, are you as surprised as I was to find out that there was no telephone listed in Skip's name? I'm speechless.

Here's the link to the FoxNews story: Beer Fight!

Weekend Hiatus

Please forgive me for not posting this weekend, but chances are good that posts will be sporadic at best on Saturdays and Sundays. I like to think that I have better things to do...

That being said, I won't rule out weekend posts altogether. Sometimes I've got something I just need to say. I know you consider yourselves lucky.

8.01.2008

A View of the Afterlife

This is hell.



Otherwise known as a Chinese swimming pool. I cannot IMAGINE being in that churning, stinking, urine-filled cesspool, shoulder to shoulder with some slippery, peeing stranger. It just looks like a good place to get a staph infection or some kind of contact herpe.

AND you know there are some serious shenanigans going on in that water. Half naked people...in the water...waves moving them up and down...it's not that much of a stretch. With my luck I'd get stuck right next to them. Nothing says good morning like being pushed up next to a little nekkid Chinaman.

Proof

Let it not be said that I have no "soft side". I saw this video and had to post it. It's actually pretty amazing. However, I'd watch it with the sound off...the music is painfully awful.



Maybe the most amazing part was that these two yahoos flew their butts to AFRICA to find a LION, even after they were told the lion was wild (read: the lion can eat your face off...because that's what lions do). The headline of this video could have easily been "2 White Guys Find Lion They Were Looking For, Closed Casket Services to be Announced."

Still...worth watching.